June 27, 2010
It’s been five and a half months since Barney left us. It’s been hard. I miss him so much that it still hurts to think about him not being here.
I see dogs out and about and can’t bear to make eye contact with them for fear that I’ll see something in their eyes that will remind me too much of him. It’s ridiculous because I remember every single thing about Barney and I don’t need another dog to kick start me memories. I remember the way his fur felt, the way it curled around his neck and the smoothness of the fur around his eyes and down to his nose. I remember the way he smelled and so many smells remind me of him too.
I miss him being under my feet and tripping over him. I miss him sitting in the kitchen waiting for his dinner and any food that may have fallen on the floor. I miss the craziness of him getting his lead on to go out for a walk – as if every time was the first time. I miss hearing him twitch and snore in his bed at night. I miss him scratching and scraping at his bed because it’s too lumpy. I miss him barking at us in the morning to force us out of bed because he wants his breakfast. I miss him running up to meet us when we come home. I miss having to call him downstairs to make sure he is okay. I miss sticking my hand down his throat to retrieve something he had eaten that he shouldn’t have. I miss playing with him. I miss brushing him. I miss having him to worry about. I miss our trips in the car whether it be to the park or the vets. Everywhere we took Barney was an adventure. I miss seeing him and Luke together.
I just miss HIM. Everything about him. Every aspect of him and his/ours lives. I cry daily for him. I kiss him and I speak to him every day. If I had a wish…..